Last week, I found myself in a bit of a funk. Nothing big happened to put me in that state. Nothing was wrong per say. I just wasn’t feeling like myself.
Instead of feeling motivated and excited about life and all the things, I found myself feeling kind of melancholy. I was going through the motions, but without a lot of enthusiasm. Each day was feeling more and more like the last. And I realized something.
I am grieving.
Last February, toward the end of the month, we had our best friends in to visit from out of town. They spent the weekend with us and we had a magnificent time. Little did I know, that would be the last time we would be having visitors from out of state for a long, long time. The kids enjoyed the weekend playing together, and the four of us had a wonderful dinner at a fancy restaurant, celebrating their 40th Birthdays. We played games and had long, deep, engaging conversations – like we always do when the four of us get together.
And over the course of that weekend, we heard about covid beginning to spread throughout the states. There weren’t many cases, but it was all we heard when we turned on the television. And I remember feeling like we may be dealing with this for a little while. Possibly even through the summer, I thought.
And now, we are approaching the one year anniversary of that weekend. And I think, subconsciously, the heaviness of it was weighing on me.
Have you had days like that? Moments when you just don’t feel quite like yourself?
I feel like I have had more moments like this over the past few months.
Over the past couple of days, I have done things to switch up our routine a bit. I realized if I am feeling this way, then on some level, my family members must be feeling this, too. So I tried to think of things that were out of the box for us to do together. An afternoon walk or bike ride. Going to get something from the drive-through. Playing an afternoon game. Something to just break up the rhythm, and get us out of the house for a minute.
Because I realized, if I’m not intentional, we can go a couple of days without going anywhere at all.
Some weeks are just harder than others. And for whatever reason, that’s how last week was for me. Maybe it was grief. Maybe it was the cold weather. Or maybe it was just needing to switch up the routine, if only for a minute.
I am feeling much more like myself today, but wanted to share. Maybe you have felt this, or are feeling this. If so, I just want you to know you aren’t alone. I know one day we will return to some semblance of normal. And I know that we are learning wonderful, valuable lessons during this time. But I miss having friends in from out of town. And I miss being able to just get up and go wherever we want, whenever we want to. I miss having a house full of kids and neighbors playing. I miss concerts and movies. Sometimes I just miss a little of what was.
And that’s okay.
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