The Space Between

My heart is heavy.

Today, my husband is traveling home from spending a few days with his dad who has started hospice.

We are in the space between.

Do you know the space I’m talking about?

The space where times stands still. The space where you are so very aware of the bridge between life and death. The space where all you want is for time to pause. The space where you look out the window and see life moving on like normal and you want to yell, “Hey! Wait! Why are you all still moving so fast? Don’t you see something very big and life-altering is happening here?!”

We are living in the space where time stands still and every minute counts, but for everyone else who is not dealing with something so tragic, life is moving on as usual.

We are in the space between.

The space where we aren’t sure whether we should stay at home, or pack up and go. The space where we aren’t sure if we have weeks, or days. The space where we are replaying conversations and wondering if we’ve said all we want to say.

The space where our hearts are breaking with the reality that we are about to lose someone we love. The space where our hearts are rejoicing that someone we love is about to go home to be with His Father. Where there is no more pain. Where there is no more suffering. Where there are no more tears. Where there is no more cancer.

In a couple of hours, my husband will be in the car and begin his journey back home to us. My husband is watching his father move from this world to the next.

I pray that I will be filled, so that when my husband walks in the door, I am overflowing with love and kindness and tenderness for him and his hurting heart.

God, more of You. Less of me.

I pray for peace for our heavy hearts. I pray for my father-in-law. For my mother-in-law. For my husband’s siblings. For the grandchildren.

I pray for everyone who is living in the space between.

Life is short. Life is fragile.

And when you are watching someone you love prepare to leave this world, that becomes more apparent than ever.

In my old blog, I would include a song at the end of every post. Music moves us and speaks to us. It brings us to places of worship. It brings tears to our eyes. It speaks to our hearts and souls. I wanted to include this James Blunt song, Monsters, that has spoke to my husband’s heart, and mine, during this time.