Have you ever been in the waiting place?
A few years back, my husband discovered his company would be shutting down their office in Indianapolis and relocating to Nashville, TN. I remember the moment he told me like it was yesterday. The world felt different. Instead of feeling comfortable, everything suddenly felt unsteady and uncertain. It was like the solid earth below had been replaced with quicksand – threatening to swallow me whole at any time.
When he told me, I dug my heels in the ground and boldly proclaimed I would not go. This was our home. The home we were supposed to live in forever. Remember? We loved our home. Our neighborhood. Our friends. Our church. Everything.
We loved everything.
I would not go.
He told me we had three years to make the decision. Three long years. I was mad we had so much time. That was too long to be in a place of limbo.
By the next day, I had softened a bit. And by a bit, I mean barely at all.
Okay. Maybe I would go. But if I went, I would be unhappy and possibly not talk to my husband for two years – other than the necessary communication it took to run a household of six people of course.
Yep. I actually said that. Not my finest moment.
More time passed.
And more time passed.
And more time passed.
It’s amazing what God can do to a heart over time – even a heart as stubborn as mine.
He took my feet that were deeply rooted and with slow, careful, tender, loving care – He began to lift them. One by one.
He was preparing me for transplant.
We had never been to Nashville, so I suggested to my husband that maybe we should at least visit.
During that visit, our children (who at the time still did not know about our possible move) said they could see themselves living in a place like Nashville.
He was preparing their little hearts for transplant.
The song “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns became my song. I would listen to it as the tears would fall.
Over. And over.
One day, when my husband and I were driving, the song came on and he told me how it impacted him.
It was his song, too.
I didn’t realize it until that moment – this was our song. God was using these lyrics to minister to our hearts individually, and eventually – together.
We were in the waiting place for a long time. A very long time. Answers seemed so far away. We went back and forth and back and forth and back again.
What do we do? How do we know? What if we choose poorly? The questions were relentless, like raindrops pounding on a rooftop during a tropical storm. Over and over and over they came.
We waited until the very last moment. The final day – to make up our minds.
And we made up our minds together.
Turns out the amount of time I was so mad about – three years – was exactly what I needed for my heart to change. It was what I needed to come to a place of surrender.
If you find yourself in the waiting place, whatever that may look like, it can be hard.
So very, very hard.
Maybe you are waiting for an adoption to be finalized.
Maybe you are waiting for a promotion you have been promised.
Maybe you are sitting at the bedside of a loved one waiting for a miracle – or their final breath.
Maybe you are waiting for the test results that just can’t get here soon enough, letting you know if the tumor is benign or malignant.
Maybe you are waiting while a loved one undergoes surgery – or for the news that your grandchild has been born.
Maybe you are waiting for positive to finally show up on the pregnancy test.
Maybe you are wondering if that perfect someone, your soulmate, who you can call your own is ever going to come into your life.
Maybe you are waiting for the season you find yourself in to be over.
If you find yourself in the waiting place, whatever that may look like –
Know God is with you.
He is holding you.
He has a plan for you.
You are not alone.
Truly Yours, Jen
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
“So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away, You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held.” – Casting Crowns