Your Friends Will Come and Go

“Your friends will come and go, but you will always have each other.”

This is something I heard often when I was younger. Whenever my younger sister and I would argue, my mom’s voice could be heard repeating these words. She would usually preface it with the importance of being kind to one another and then would end with this statement.

“Your friends will come and go, but you will always have each other.”

These words are the same words that her mother spoke to her. These are the words that she spoke to my sister and I. And, these are the words I speak to my children. They were drilled into my little brain and have remained at the forefront for all of these years.

I used to think this was just another one of those crazy things that parents say to their kids. Like, “Close the door! You weren’t raised in a barn!”, “You are who you hang with”, and “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” And one of my personal faves, “Remember! Nothing good ever happens after midnight!” (I probably should have paid better attention to that one.)

I used to think some of these sayings were ridiculous. Of course friends don’t come and go. Do you see this BFF necklace I’m wearing? The last ‘F’ means forever, remember? Silly woman.

Well, turns out that silly woman I love dearly wasn’t silly at all. She was right.

These sayings I once considered nonsense are actually beautiful little nuggets of wisdom I have carried close to my heart.

These things I once swore would never come out of my mouth are now echoing through the halls of our home in the same manner they did when I was a child. It has happened. I sound just like my mother. And now my kids give me the same crazy looks I gave my mom years ago.

But someday, they will probably find themselves saying the same things to their children. Because they are true.

“Your friends will come and go, but you will always have each other.”

Friends do come and go. Not necessarily because of dissension, but because that is the natural ebb and flow of relationships. Life changes. Circumstances change. People change. Relationships change.

This used to be really hard for me. I wanted all of my relationships to stay the same forever. I was holding tight to those BFF necklaces. I have learned over the years that just isn’t possible. It isn’t that you stop caring for these people. On the contrary. Many friends whom I am no longer as close to, hold very special places in my heart. I am who I am today, in part, because of these relationships. They were at one time ginormous parts of my life and I carry my memories of them fondly with me. We may not be as close, but that doesn’t mean we don’t care about each other. That doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be thrilled to see each other. Life has just taken us in different directions.

While some friendships have changed over the years, there are some that have become almost like siblings. These friends are rare gems. They love every part of you. They see your beauty and they see your flaws and they love you for both. These friends may be close, or they may be miles away, but you know they are there. They evolve and grow as you evolve and grow. They know your deepest secrets. They know the mundane details of your life. They are like family. You may not talk to them, or see them regularly, but when you do it is like you were never apart.

This is how my it is with my siblings. They are more than just my siblings. They are my best friends. My relationships with my siblings have remained constant. We are, and always have been, there for each other. We may not always see eye to eye, but we have learned over the years that just because we don’t agree doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I called any of my siblings and said, “I need you here. Now.” They would come. And I would do the same for them.

And, I want this for my children. I want them to grow up knowing they always have each other. As their mom, I want to reinforce how important their relationships with each other are. Just like my mom did with me. I want to help them to love each other well. I want them to speak kindly to each other and about each other, to respect one another and to stick up for one another when necessary.

Two of our daughters share a room. Last night, I heard them laughing and talking after we had put them to bed. Normally I would try to get them to settle down, but not last night. They were having so much fun that I didn’t even mind that they were supposed to be in bed sleeping. I thought as long as their joy stays in the room and doesn’t walk into the living room where I am trying to rest, then it’s Ok. They were building memories and I was relaxing. It was a win-win.

They eventually settled down and drifted off and when I woke up and went into their room this morning I found something that made my heart sing. There was a string tied between their two beds. Hanging from the string was a bucket filled with notes.

I was very touched to see this bucket of notes they had been passing in the night. And I could hear the voice of my mom saying, “your friends will come and go, but you will always have each other.” And my heart was filled with joy.